i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I did not marry a roomba.
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