I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hippo gnu deer
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
