2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
