Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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