He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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