Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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