The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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