My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
