Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We left an ass print on the piano.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize