flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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