we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
