2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
