we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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