fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
