If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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