Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize