just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he's gonorrhea incarnate
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
