weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
