I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
