i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
