I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
