i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The adults are the big ones right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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