Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
