i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
