i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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