Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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