I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
