You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
