chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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