the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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