Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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