Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
