:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
