Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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