Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
