At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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