She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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