Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
