To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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