The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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