Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
