My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
