I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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