I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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