he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
