we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
