So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
