proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
