Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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