Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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