you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
