I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
