thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
