Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
