Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
