Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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