The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
