brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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