Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
