youre lurking in front of me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
