mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
