In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
