I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
