i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
