Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
