Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
