If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize