you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
